A Goodbye Email from a Hardcore Programmer

21 Nov 2013

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I quit TCS. Today is my last day. I wanted my final goodbye email to be very special, unique and resemble what I did in TCS. This is what I sent to my colleagues today :)

/**
 * @author Premkumar Masilamani
 * @company Tata Consultancy Services
 * @about My Life in TCS
 * @startDate 03-Nov-2004
 * @endDate 21-Nov-2013
 */

import com.hindustancollege.ComputerScienceDegree;
import com.love.programming.SoftwareEngineerDream;

public class PremsLifeInTCS extends SoftwareEngineerDream
implements ComputerScienceDegree {

    public static void main(String[] args) {

        // Phase 1 - Jobless Wanderer
        do {
            attendInterview();
            if (gotJobInTCS) {
                passedInterview = true;
            }
        } while (!passedInterview);

        // Phase 2 - Learning the Trade
        while (working12PlusHoursADay()) {
            learnTechnology();
        }

        // Phase 3 - Dollar Dreams
        for (int i = 0; i < 10000; i++) {
            askForOnsite();
            if (yes) {
                gotoUnitedStates();
                break;
            }
        }

        // Phase 4 - Corporate Reality
        if (foughtWithManager() || foughtWithClient() || workedFor2Years()) {
            switch (project) {
                case AMEX:
                case TEG:
                case TFS:
                case LandG:
                    break;
                default:
                    dontGotoOffice();
            }
        }

        // Phase 5 - Personal Life
        while (notGoingToOffice()) {
            dateGirls();
            if (foundTheRightOne()) {
                marryHer("Love of my life");
            }
        }

        // Phase 6 - Onsite Again
        goToOnsite(
            chooseOnsite(
                maxCurrencyRate("US", "GB", "SG", "AU")
            )
        );

        while (inUnitedKingdom) {
            makeFriends();
            hostParties();
            workHard();
            if (visaExpired) {
                comeBackToIndia();
                break;
            }
        }

        // Phase 7 - The Exit
        if (!challengingWork() && gotGoodOffer()) {
            sayGoodByeToTCS("Thanks to everyone in TCS");
            pleaseKeepInTouch();
        }
    }

    public static void pleaseKeepInTouch() {
        viaWebsite("https://www.premkumarmasilamani.com");
        viaLinkedIn("https://www.linkedin.com/in/premkumar-masilamani");
        viaGitHub("https://github.com/premkumar-masilamani");

        if (emergency) {
            viaPhone("you-would-know-the-number");
        }
    }
}
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