Questions or Silence?
23 Sep 2024home > blog
This is not a conclusion, merely an exploration.
I vividly remember my first coaching conversation. It was a set of rapid-fire questions, with all my focus & energy on the client getting to the solution. My heart filled with anxiety and focusing on the next question, rather than actively listening to my client. My mind already had a solution for the client. When he was not moving towards that solution, I was hinting (suggesting would be an appropriate word) at the solution. There was no space or time to think. Words filled most of the conversation from either side.
Not a good session, from my perspective.
Today, I compared my first session with the latest coaching conversation. I was actively listening to the client. I did not get involved in the problem, observing it as a third person. I was attending to my client’s non-verbal cues, body language, facial expressions, eye contact, changes in his voice and tone, etc. I hardly asked 4 or 5 questions in the entire session. Silence filled most of the conversation, on my part. The client was able to get to a solution and come up with action items, all by himself.
A very good session, from my client’s perspective.
I felt confused.
What has changed?
| Past | Present |
|---|---|
| Focusing on the problem | Focusing on the person |
| More Questions | Less Questions |
| No Silence | Lot of Silence |
What could be the next, in coaching?.
| Past | Present | Future |
|---|---|---|
| Focusing on the problem | Focusing on the person | Focusing on our presence |
| More Questions | Less Questions | No Questions |
| No Silence | Lot of Silence | Only Silence |
I am imagining a futuristic version of coaching, where one person becomes a coach and another a client.
They meet each other, exchange no words, only silence, pure non-verbal communication, the client gets the solution or clarity they were looking for, and the coach feels happiness and gratitude.
Wouldn’t that be a wonderful coaching session?. What would you name, such a practice?.
What I realized from my coaching practice is that,
home > blogThe less I do as a coach, the more the client benefits